I started ranking all the batman films despite no one asking me to

Remember when I wrote a few posts ago that I wanted to try and experiment with the blog on this site, this was what I was talking about. This is an idea for a content piece that I’ve been wanting to do for a long time, and I’m finally getting around to doing it. If you know me, you know that I’m a massive comic and Batman fan. I feel like as a kid, you get offered a choice similar to that of Neo: you can either become a Spider-man fan, or Batman fan; I seemed to have chosen the latter (although Spider-man is probably a close second). I can’t really explain why I latched on to him specifically as a kid, but I can remember watching The Batman 2004 religiously as a young kid. Maybe it was the suit, maybe it was the car, maybe it was because he had a sidekick that was also a kid like me. Whatever the reason was, this character has carved out a considerable niche inside my brain.  

I’ve been fortunate to grow up in a period of time that has a plethora of accessible options for this character. There are more comics and stories to read that can fill up multiple lifetimes, and with expanded media also providing options, there really is something for everyone. The biggest of these expanded mediums being the films. Superhero movies in general have had an incredible history in the grand tapestry of the film industry, none feeling as impactful as a Batman movie. Sure this could be up for interpretation, but this is my article dammit, and I’m going to glaze as I please. As a certified red-blooded film enjoyer, I find myself coming back to these movies a lot, and for your reading pleasure I’m going to rank all of them, and write a bit about each. Two rules for this list:  they can only be movies that have been released in theatres, and feature Batman as a solo hero, so Batman vs Superman and Justice League are exempt from the list (although they’d be pretty close to the bottom). I originally posted this list on my Letterboxd which I’ll link somewhere in here. 

#11: Batman and Robin (1997) Dir. Joel Schumacher 

Let’s get this one out of the way first. Yes, this movie is bad. Yes, the nipples on the suit are weird. Yes, this was obviously the culmination of the tonal shift that Warner Brothers wanted after the PR disaster of Batman Returns’ McDonald's collaboration. And yes, I did have this poster up in my room when I was like 8. I watched this a lot as a kid, not sure what it was, but this was on constant rewatch in the Johnson household. In my most recent rewatch of this movie, the thing that struck me the most is that in a movie with as much cartoon zaniness and bullshit that goes on, it’s just boring. At least with some bad movies there’s an endearing quality to them that makes them enjoyable in a way that reality TV can be, junk food viewing that’s great to turn your brain off to. Maybe it’s because George Clooney is sleepwalking through most of his scenes, or the plot is a bit nonsensical with a number of plots and threads active at the same time- but everything comes up flat and one note, a neon, backlight infused 90s consumerist nightmare. 

I feel like there’s not much more that I can add on that hasn’t already been said about this one, so I’m going to do the opposite. I do actually think they nailed the Robin suit in this, I mean you take the cape away, and you basically have the New 52 Nightwing costume. I think its fascinating that Schumacher actually had plans for a solo Nightwing movie back then, but with this failure we’ll never get to see that, or his proposed third Batman movie. I will give Schumacher credit in the fact that he has an innate understanding for a very particular era of Batman. A lot of this was clearly inspired by the 60s era and the Silver Age, and this hits all of those notes, themed henchman, cheesy one-liners, and an overall mutual respect for the efforts of the Dynamic Duo. Maybe one day we’ll return to the era where Batman and Robin can be keynote speakers at a charity event instead of being relegated to the shadows. Uma Thurman also puts in an insane Julie Newmar-esque performance as Poison Ivy that gets lost in the Arnold sized elephant in the room. He had some banger lines though I can’t lie. “What killed the dinosaurs? The Ice Age!”- magnificent. Oh yeah and Bane is here too I guess. Crazy how they went for the meathead approach to this character when we would have been only a few years removed from the Knightfall saga. Very clearly the worst of the three villains in this, Bane honestly could have solo’d his own film in this time (but we’ll talk about Bane more later). 

Speaking of Mr. Freeze, this being the only film that’s used him as a main villain actually did get a lot of things right with his character. We do see the updated origin from Heart of Ice, and I do appreciate how they at least tried to give him an emotional arc that revolves around his desire to give him and his wife a better life. I think this would’ve worked with anyone other than Arnold, and would have benefited from a better script. Mr. Freeze at his core in almost an empathetic and tragic figure. A man that looses himself in tragedy, and is a slave to this life he’s made for himself. Arnold does tap into that at the very end where he elects to give Batman the cure for Alfred’s sickness, but I would have maybe liked to have seen a bit more being shown there. Both villains in this are similar in the fact that both are victims of corporate greed and are transformed by the very research they dedicate their lives to. It certainly was a choice to have two characters who have opposite world views team up to create their own utopia, but I’ll give it a pass because the thought is kinda silly. 

I think that an updated or changed story would have made this a bit better. I know I’m not a screenwriter by any means, so this by no means is good, I just think that it could be a cool way. What if instead of having Batgirl in the movie we save her for a potential fifth, and focus on the theme of letting go. For Batman this could be represented in the loss of both his partner Robin and Alfred. The conflict between Batman and Robin could easily set up that Nightwing film, and it would fulfill Robin becoming his own man and learning to adapt as a solo individual. Alfred dying would certainly be a bold choice, but considering where they wanted to go with this franchise in the script for Batman Triumphant, this fear of loss weighing on Batman for a confrontation with Scarecrow and a Harley Quinn who would have been the daughter of the Joker would have made for an interesting finale. All this is hypothetical however, what’s done is done, and I think it’s okay that we can accept this movie for what it is, and look back on it as a relic of a time long past. 

I think this one easily lands at the bottom of the list, and it’s not even close. Despite attempts to make the world of Batman more accessible to children and merchandising companies, Batman and Robin is ultimately a loud boring mess that ruined the reputation of the character for multiple years, and caused an entire course correction that changed the franchise, and superhero movies as a whole, forever. I do think that this is important in that without this, we probably wouldn’t have gotten any of the subsequent films like they are now, and having a “rockbottom” moment for a character as popular as Batman, ultimately lead to more creative risks and a brighter future for the franchise.

As much as I want to add more into this post, considering how much I’ve already written, I’m going to break these posts into multiple parts. Keeps me busy, and hopefully, it’ll keep people coming back to read more of these (doubtful though). If you did read this all the way through, as always, I really do appreciate it. If you have any thoughts on stuff like this feel free to reach out, always looking to network with like-minded people! 

Letterboxd: @notreallyevan